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Raheel's Blog

Corporate Jargon

/ 5 min read

I don’t tend to hear much jargon from software developers, but rather from managers or products. I’m not sure why they use this verbosity. This is a list of all the jargon I’ve heard while working as a software developer for 2 years.

Note: Skip to the Glossary for the complete list.

Examples

Welcome aboard to the new team, we hear you bring a lot to the table! I hope your onboarding went well; HR said they loved bringing you on and I think everyone is on board with your proposal to implement cutting-edge tech at our company. We’re seeing large corporate buy-in, and they want all hands on deck! We’d love to get the ball rolling on your robust, game-changing, solution so we can move the needle just a bit further. I hope you’re comfortable with championing and being in the driver’s seat for this business-critical initiative.

Translation

Welcome to our team, we're excited to use your diverse set of skills! I hope your training went well; I heard HR was excited to hire you. Everyone agrees with your proposal to implement modern technology at the company. Corporate is ready to begin and they want everybody working on it. Is it okay if you lead the project?


Of course, we’re not looking to reinvent the wheel. Spinning up the new services will require a lot of cycles as I hear the ticket is 4 story points. Are you sure you have the bandwidth? If not, we can shoot the action items over to another pod so they can solution the deliverables accordingly. We’ll slot it into the next sprint. I’ll circle back during tomorrow’s standup.

Translation

Of course, we don't want to create what already exists. Setting up the new infrastructure will take a while; the current estimate is 4 days! If you don't have the time, I can assign the work to another team so they can complete the tasks accordingly. We'll work on it next week, and I'll follow up during the meeting tomorrow morning.


Unfortunately, we had to part ways with/let go of one of our worst performers as they always went for low-hanging fruit. Moving forward, we’re sunsetting or transitioning/pivoting his projects. Don’t worry! It’s all part of the bigger picture. The ask from product is to pivot all their non-actioned tasks to align with our roadmap. Shoot me a ping later so we can touch base offline. If we can loop in your manager to our one-on-one, that would be stellar!

Translation

We fired a bad employee because he never did any hard work. We're re-prioritizing or de-prioritizing all of his projects, and Product wants to pivot his unfinished tasks to align with this quarter's plan. Send me a message later! We should also invite your manager to our one-on-one tomorrow.


Thank you for jumping/hopping on this lunch-and-learn meeting everyone! We have lots to unpack during today’s webinar, so sit tight. Utilizing our core competencies and thinking outside the box, we can streamline user friction/pain points. By holistically observing our learnings from past projects, we can go above and beyond projected guesstimates! To gain further traction, we’ve set up a marketing strategy to network with thought leaders around the globe.

Translation

Thank you for attending this meeting where no one eats anyone! We have a lot to discuss, so let's get started. Our idea is to improve the user experience using lessons learned from past projects. This way, we'll be able to deliver far more than we planned! To increase popularity, we've set up a marketing strategy to meet with social individuals (I still don't understand the concept of a "thought leader") around the globe.


Where are we so far in actioning this value add? I’ve had it on my radar for a few sprints now; has it already been triaged?

Translation

What is the status of your work? I haven't forgotten about it because it's quite useful. Has it been prioritized?


Somebody shoot me.

Glossary

JargonDefinition
actionedfinished/done
ball rolling, spin upstart
big pictureoverall idea/vision
bleeding/cutting edgemodern/latest
bring to the tableuseful skills
bringing onhiring
business-criticalimportant or critical
buy inconvince
championadvocate for
circle backfollow up with
cycles, bandwidthcapacity to work or available time
deliverable, ticket, action itemwork
driver’s seatto lead
friction, pain pointsbad experiences
fundamentals, competenciesideas, beliefs or values
game changingrevolutionary
go above and beyonddo more than what was expected
going/moving forwardin the future (this phrase is completely useless)
guesstimateestimate
holisticallyas a whole (but with more syllables) or overall
jumping/hopping onattending a
learningslessons or “takeaways”
loop ininvite to discuss
low hanging fruiteasy stuff
lunch and learna presentation where nobody eats because it’s annoying1
move the needlemake progress towards
networkingmeeting people
take this offlinemessage me after this meeting
on my radarremembering something
parting ways withfiring
reaching out, pingingmessaging
reinvent the wheelcreate what already exists
roadmap, trajectoryplan
robuststable
shoot (me a ping)send (me a message)
solution, action (verb)work on
solutionsproducts
sprinta week or two
squad or podteam
standupmeeting where you usually sit down and talk
story pointsmeasurement of time (hours, days, etc.)
streamlinemake efficient
sunsettingdeprecating or discontinuing
sync, touch base, align (verb)talk about
the ask isthe request is
thinking outside the boxthinking of a different solution (not thinking differently)
thought leadera presenter of their ideas?
(top/bad) performeremployee
tractionpopularity
transitioning, pivotchanging (but with more syllables)
triageprioritize
unpackdiscuss
utilizeuse
value adduseful
we need to find a solutionI need to find a solution
webinarpresentation
where are we2 on this?what’s the status?

I guess someone decided that companies are ships now and a lot of verbiage is centred around that idea.

JargonDefinition
all hands on deckeveryone works on
get everyone on boardconvince
onboardingtraining
welcome aboardwelcome

Footnotes

  1. I did eat during a lunch and learn once just to gauge the reaction. It was negative.

  2. Note how people consistently use we instead of you. “We should do this later” actually means “you should do this later.”